it hurts more in the daytime
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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