would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
