she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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