Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize