remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You can't special order awesome
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
