just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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