What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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