i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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