yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
