i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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