It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
