were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
