do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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