Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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