if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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