My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
