Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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