I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
