): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize