ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
