Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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