I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
