And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
