Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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