We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
