wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
