Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
