dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
