there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
