smell my finger.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
