You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
