I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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