Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
