i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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