Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
