I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize