hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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