I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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