how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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