So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
