Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
