how can u be prego again
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
