when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize