eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
