I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
