I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
