I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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