i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
