I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
