Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have post one night stand depression
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