did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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