two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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