I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
