you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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