I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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