He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
