Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
