the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
