dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
