It was confusing and full of hummus
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
