People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
