is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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