She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
