my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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