guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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