I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
