sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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