those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
