I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
